Wednesday, July 15

So today I heard the bad news.
My great grandmother, my father's mother's mother, passed away the other day (yesterday, I believe?).
Its very sad.
And it's left me with regrets.
I have no memories of this woman. I did not get the chance to get to know her. 15 years worth of opportunity is gone, and now so is she.
My dad's mom, aka Nana, passed away when I was little. I have some memories of her, and those are all great memories; I miss her greatly and wish she could have been around to see how much I've changed, and for me to be able to know her better. I wish I would have been able to have her there for things like graduation, but I won't. She's there in memory though. The man that I called Poppy Moe was, as far as I am concerned, my grandfather. Not by blood, or even marriage (a fact I honestly did not know until a few years ago, if that), but my grandfather none the less. I have fewer memories of him, but several things stuck with me that I don't think I'll ever forget: The distinct way their house always smelled, and the peppermint patties that they always had (and I always hated xP lol). The way he would right Samantha's name in her birthday card with as many "ha"s as she was years old (e.g., her 8th birthday card would have the name "Samanthahahahahahahaha".) I remember the dresses Nana sewed for me, and the wedding dress that she made for Melissa; I remember Poppy Moe eating M&Ms, and Nana gardening with my Dad in the backyard.
My Grandma Stevens, I never really got to know her. I really wish I had, but I only vaguely knew that I had a living great grandmother; in all honesty, I can't say I ever knew for sure that she was alive. And now she's not. It saddens me that I do have a large family, crazy as they may be, yet I don't really know many of them. I don't think I know anyone on my father's side anymore............ But still I will keep her in my thoughts, and still she has that family-given place in my heart, despite the fact that I did not know her.
My mom's mother passed away when she was still young, long before I was thought of. I've been told I look like her, and act like her, sometimes sound like her. But I may never know how we're alike, or what she was like. I wish I could, but something did come from her not being her: my Grandma Judy, my stepgrandmother. She and my grandfather aka Pop-Pop live in FLorida. I don't see them often. I remember going and staying with them in 1999 (2000?) and going to Disney. I don't know when the last time I saw them was. I don't know for sure that I will see them again, much as I hope they really will make it up; they plan to come up in September, to be here for my parents' 25th anniversary party. I've spent most of my life without much in the way of grandparental interaction. Poppy Moe and Nana were around plenty, while they were alive; they're in most of my earliest memories. Most of my memories of Pop-pop and Grandma Judy are very short and not very significant. While I understand that there were some familial disputes, I think they could have been forgiven much sooner than they were. My opinion on it is that both sides of the arguments were wrong to an extent, and both needed to apologize and forgive. I want to have more time with my grandparents before that time is gone, too; I don't want to have the same regrets regarding them as I do my Grandma Stevens.

Take advantage of time you are given with those you love. You never know when that time will be up.

RIP Grandma Stevens ♥